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My other half was diagnosed with CC 3 days ago and I am already failing in supporting her.

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Antony
My other half was diagnosed with CC 3 days ago and I am already failing in supporting her.

Hi All,

My other half was diagnosed with CC 63 hours ago and I'm failing to support her properly. I seem to have taken the news harder than she has and that makes me feel so selfish.

i am not the one with cancer, I am not the one who could die, I am not the one who needs treatment, I am not the one who is going to fight the long battle but I am devastated, afraid and I feel like my feelings are being ignored by everyone, how selfish am I to even think like this!!!!

i love her so much i can't bear to even imagine life without her.

 

She is the rock in our family and the most amazing mother to our 3 children. She helped me turn my life into something good and has blessed my life for just shy of two decades.

It is my turn to be the rock but I'm so scared I can't do it.

 

Why do I feel like this.

Bexter
Bexter's picture

Antony,

 

It is a devastating diagnosis to hear but it is very treatable. Family and friends are naturally affected by this serious news. It's important to take one day at a time as treatment depends on scans, examinations and planning. I didn't want to hear odds and prognosis before my treatment as I would focus too much on the negative. But this is completely individual. 

Try to avoid google and get information from your wifes doctors or sites like this.

 

Diagnosed   stage 3B squamous cell CC with paraaortic lymph node involvement. 4/2017. Had chemoradiation and brachytherapy finished 6/2017

4/2018 loop ileostomy inserted.

7/2018 bilateral nephrostomies for blocked ureters. 

Antony

Thank you so much for your reply. I feared that anyone on this site would find my post repulsive and I wouldn't get a reply.

Antony

I hope that your PET results set you and your loved ones free.

Bexter
Bexter's picture

Thanks Antony.

Goodluck to you and your wife. It will get easier when your wife see all your specialists and they have done all the scans and planning and they give you an idea how to proceed. It is scary, but hang in there and take one day at a time. Vent with someone you trust, its natural, and everyone needs an outlet, and then you can offer your wife the support she needs. I was terrified telling my parents I had cervical cancer because my sister died with leukaemia. 

The nicest thing said to me was by a registrar, who said despite being locally advanced cervical cancer involving my lymph nodes they were aiming for a cure. Hope and support are wonderful things.

Don't be too harsh on yourself, get yourself support and then you can be the rock you want to be. It's normal to be distressed and scared. I'm sorry you and your wife are facing this.

Diagnosed   stage 3B squamous cell CC with paraaortic lymph node involvement. 4/2017. Had chemoradiation and brachytherapy finished 6/2017

4/2018 loop ileostomy inserted.

7/2018 bilateral nephrostomies for blocked ureters. 

Antony

Hi Bexter,

Please forgive me for being negative against some of your message but my wife was so positive in the run up to treatment she put me and my negative attitude to shame.

She has laughed and joked through the majority of her appointments and seemed to be taking everything in her stride.

She has had 5 radiotherapy and 1 chemotherapy treatments this week and she is very clearly suffering as a result. She is still working running her own business and being the exceptional mother she is to our children.

I just wish she would let go and let me help sonshe can rest and concentrate on winning the battle. 

This might (almost certainly) sound absolutely mad, mental, inappropriate and damn right insensitive but here goes nothing.......(no offence intended to anyone)

 

We are all naive to the effects of cancer on our lives, "it always happens to someone else", "it will never happen to me", "I am healthy and active, I'm safe" "THEY can cure it easily these days", if my wife/husband/partner/lover/mother/sister/daughter/father or friend gets diagnosed I will be there for them, I will be that rock, I will help them through, it's no big deal.

We are all blind to the horrible reality of cancer until it impacts our lives and it takes longer than you think for it all to sink in. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bexter
Bexter's picture

 I wish you both the best. You're right, it's not easy or simple, but hope helped me through my treatment. I had enough medical staff to remind me that the odds weren't in my favour. The best time in some pretty poor time was being able to joke and be normal. Goodluck.

Diagnosed   stage 3B squamous cell CC with paraaortic lymph node involvement. 4/2017. Had chemoradiation and brachytherapy finished 6/2017

4/2018 loop ileostomy inserted.

7/2018 bilateral nephrostomies for blocked ureters. 

misstell

Sorry that you are facing this, my partner was a great support to me so I am sure you are probably doing better than you think. Just be there to listen and if you need to vent find a close friend or family member do so. Your wife will be forever grateful for your support. Just take things a day at a time x 

2010 clear

2013 wrongly reported clear, moderate changes later found during audit in 2017

2016 Oct 13 - early stage cancer diagnosis

Oct 31 Cone Biopsy

Nov 16 staged 1B1 decided on trachelectomy 

Nov 21 trach and lymph node removal

Dec 7 results all clear 

Naomi a

Hi there, i was diagnosed with stage 3 on monday. It is so treatable and i am going to be starting my chemo-radiotherapy very soon. My husband is an amazing man, we have been together 9 years but he has been in the army 24 years and lost his mum to cancer when he was 21 and feeling very scared

Im okay, but he is like a small child without his mother right now. If your lady is anything like me (which she sounds like she is), stop beating yourself up, give her loads of hugs and support, but also so some really practical shiz, like washing, childcare etc.... if her symptoms and outlook are anything like mine, shes probably feeling optimistic but bloody knackered!!

Its also okay to laugh about it now and then (as long as shes that way iclined!)

Most importantly, dont beat yourself up, and if you need to ask any questions thatbyou dont want to bother her with, here we are!

Much love to you and yours

Naomi x